August Remembrances and Celebrations

August 30th was International Grief Day. It’s fitting since August has always been a month that stood out in my family growing up. As you know my mother lost her family and friends in the atomic bombing of Hiroshima. Although I didn’t know why my mother had horrible nightmares, spent days in a darkened room depressed, or unexplained anger outbursts that left me walking on eggshells(until I was 11, but even then it was difficult to process). Now that I can, my heart breaks for that 12 year old girl who didn’t quite understand why the atomic bomb took away all she knew and loved. That little girl who had seen images she could never unsee. Images that haunted her the rest of her life.

As a result every August I am proud to tell her story, but it comes with a price. I grieve my mom all over again. It takes a lot out of me emotionally, and that affects me physically as well. Especially this year as I find myself grieving what I used to be able to do last year using a cane(prior to the tech malfunction of the spinal cord stim and spinal surgery this past February), and now dealing with more pain, using a walker/wheelchair and not quite knowing my ‘new normal’.

And yet…

Our family had some happy moments in August as well. The August of my sophomore year in college, the woman I knew as my Grandmother(you’ll read more about her in the sequel to TLCB) came to visit. I was so excited. She visited us in the US when I was 1 year old, but I of course I had no recollection of that visit(heck now I can’t remember what I ate for breakfast yesterday). Luckily, I do have a picture to remind me-of my grandmother’s visit- not my breakfast 😊

We had traveled to visit her in Tokyo when I was 8, those memories were a little fuzzy even for me as an 18 year old.Again, a picture helps.

She had tried to visit at Christmas when I was 16, but she had a mild heart attack at the airport before she boarded the plane. When I finally got to see her, it was beyond wonderful and surprising. My mouth dropped when she stepped out of the car with purple hair!-I kid you not!  (maybe that’s where my daughter gets it from) 😊

you can see just a glint of purple

My husband and I were dating at the time, so my Grandmother also had a chance to meet him. It was very important to get her blessing. I remember when Matt met her for the first time, he had brought her a plant(he worked at a nursery in the summer) and as he passed it to her, you could see his hands shaking. Later that night when Matt and I were at the door about to kiss good night, she came out of the shadows, smiled , opened the door, guided Matt onto the porch,waved and said,” bye –  bye” as she shut the door. I still laugh at that memory. Her visit brought happiness to my mother’s most difficult month.

front left my mom, my godmother, I’m the head behind her, my granmother in her leopard print 🙂 , my dad, my Godfather holding our dog at the time, Benji

And a bittersweet memory prior to Covid is August in 2019 .I went to RI for my father’s memorial service (he passed away in May 2019). Although there was grief, I also had opportunity to spend time with family and friends that I hadn’t seen in a few years who knew my Mom and Dad. We caught up on each other’s lives and reminisced of happy times when my parents were alive. I could feel the love surrounding us all through that visit.

That visit reminded me of Japan’s special commemoration during August when many families travel from all over the country to return and gather in their hometown. The holiday is O-bon (from the Ghost Festival in China) when people welcome back their ancestors (sosen) to visit their family home for a few days. This holiday, popular in Japan since the Edo period (1603 – 1887) may seem spooky at first, but it is really a beautiful festival to honor and recall happy times together with the loved ones who have passed away.

The O-bon festival origin story begins with Mokuren, the faithful follower of the Great Buddha- it’s a really interesting story about saving his mother’s spirit and if you would like to read more about it, one of the versions of this here or here

Mokuren
New World Encyclopedia

O-bon has Buddhists beliefs with elements of Shinto that was added over time is celebrated around August 12 – 16^th . But that date may vary depending on region or if using the lunar calendar. And you don’t have to be Buddhist to celebrate.

At the beginning of O-bon, many families may hang lanterns in front of houses to guide ancestors’ spirits back home for their temporary visits. Families may also visit gravesites, clean, and decorate them. In Hiroshima they decorate bamboo lanterns with colorful paper (bon touro) to bring to the graves.

Bon Tourou in Hiroshima by Soranews24

Inside the home, families may set up a temporary special altar called the Shoryodana in front of their family Buddhist altar (batsudan-that is there year round- in TLCB I mention that my mother’s family had one in her home as a child) where they place the ancestor’s favorite food . My mother did not celebrate O-bon in our home, but in August I did notice she put corn on the cob-his favorite (even though he grew up on a corn farm) and an ice cold glass of beer.So, maybe this was her way of celebrating it.

In the hot summer month,most people wear yukatas (summer kimono) while visiting colorful booths with yummy street food, and as with many celebrations, there is a dance.  

My daughter in yukata when atudied in Japan 2018

The festival dance- Bon Odori is a dance to folk music (Ondo) that can vary from region to region. Musicians (taiko drums play a big part) and singers perform on a raised platform(yagura). The yagura is put up to give a way for the spirits to come down and then to join the dance.  The dance can be in a circle or straight line-again depends on the region. But regardless of the region it is the older generation teaching the younger one and it is a joyous time.

After the 3 days of celebration the family may lead the spirits back by walking with lanterns back to the gravesite. In some areas floating lanterns (toro nagashi) with messages to their loved ones guide them back. In Hiroshima around August 6th, visitors to Peace park write messages of peace or messages to their loved ones on paper lanterns. At night these beautiful lanterns are lit and then launched in the river. I hope to have that opportunity some day.

O-Bon Festivals are held in other Asian countries as well as in the United States. However, since my mother did not do this tradition with me as a child, I had never been to one until we moved down here to Charlotte, NC! I met Japanese people from all over NC, South Carolina and Georgia (let me tell ya,when you see someone who looks Japanese yet speaks with a southern drawl…it’s like..Wait.. what?!) 🙂

We loved this event sponsored by the Japanese Association of Charlotte!  There were Japanese tea ceremonies, delicious Japanese food, various crafts, and a display of the ornamental dolls (hina-ningyo) that is usually put out on Hinamatsuri (Doll’s day or Girls Day) in March. But of course, the main event of this celebration-the Bon Odori-Sara even joined in the dance while someone kindly showed her what to do.

Interestingly, Hiroshima held an O-bon Festival one year after the atomic bombing amongst the ruins to honor the souls of the atomic bomb victims, like my Mom’s Papa. Hiroshima would not have another Obon festival until 2018 (I’m still trying to find out why it was so long)!

And this year is the first O-ban festival in Hiroshima since Covid shut everything down.

So, it only seems fitting that the year O-ban returns to Hiroshima, and it is six years almost to the day of the US book launch 6 years ago (8/13/16)

that:

🎉🎉cheering sound, taiko drum roll……..

THE LAST CHERRY BLOSSOM’s Japanese Translation by Holp Shuppan Publishing released on August 12^th 2022 !!!! スト・チェリー・ブロッサム　わたしのヒロシマ 🌸

I feel it is a wonderful way to honor my mom and Japanese ancestors in August. Isn’t the cover just adorable? I love how they focus on the friendship(my Mom wearing braids and red top) as well as her relationship with her Papa. I really appreciate that the Editor Ishihara Noe, translator Yoshida Chiyoko, cover designer Ogawa Keiko (originally from Hiroshima) and the artist Isshiki Mayumi took such care in this. I am so happy that there are pink cherry blossoms on the hardcover of book itself!

So, I put the book next to my mom and her Papa and light an electric candle and hope my mom and family can see
 スト・チェリー・ブロッサム　わたしのヒロシマ 🌸

My heart is full knowing that the Japanese translation of The Last Cherry Blossom is out in the world. It is a prayer answered-especially as I’m still trying to find my new normal and learning to walk again. A light after 6 months of feeling lost in the darkness of my anxiety and pain.  I can only imagine how proud my mother would have been to know that the story of that 12-year-old little girl in Hiroshima is now written in her native language of the country she grew up in – a country that always held a very special place in her heart.🙏❤️

Oh! In case you were wondering, my Grandmother loved Matt and gave us her blessing!

Linking up with Let’s Have Coffee

Source: https://www.sugimotousa.com/blog/obon-festival-history-and-guide https://blog.govoyagin.com/obon-bon-odori/ , GET HIROSHIMA Soranews24 ,New World Encyclopedia

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The Ornaments of Christmas Past

In the early morning hours when I cannot sleep, I love coming downstairs, snuggling under my Christmas blanket, and sit in the warm glow of the Christmas tree. The blue lights hung around our front door and palm tree outside shimmer through the frosted windows. We have a new gold star as the crowning glory of our tree, casting just the right amount of light. Wrapped around the base of our tree is a gorgeous hand quilted tree skirt I received as a wedding shower gift.

As with many families, our ornaments have memories attached to them. There are ones we have purchased at each new place we traveled to, ornaments celebrating Matt and my first dating Christmas(1985), first married Christmas, Sara’s first Christmas (23 years ago!), and some ornaments from close friends, such as one that I received (from close friends of my parents- that now celebrate Christmas in heaven) when I was 8 years old(I will not say how many years ago that was) 😊

Each year Matt hangs ornaments that he actually painted as a child. Unfortunately, I have very little ornaments from my childhood. The one ornament I have is of gingerbread angels and gingerbread men. It is peeling and probably made with lead paint, but I treasure it just the same.

(Matt’s painted ornaments)

When I look at it, I’m reminded of the very first gift I chose and paid for all by myself. I was in first grade and our school library had a small craft fair. I remember being so proud that I bought my parents a gift with my very own quarter (yup that’s what it cost). My treasure of a find was a small glass snowman with a black hat and a green scarf. I remember how happy and surprised my parents were when they opened it. They hung it on the tree every year. I loved how it sparkled when placed just so in front of the string of tree lights. Sadly, I no longer know where it is since circumstances prevented me from having the ornaments from my childhood.

This Advent season amidst the waiting, the hope and joy of the Christmas season, there’s also loss and hearts needing to be healed. I will of course be missing my mom and my Godfather (who I can’t believe have been gone 5 and 6 years respectively). It’s only 7 months since my Dad passed away and a few weeks ago, we unexpectedly lost someone very dear to our hearts. She “adopted” my family nearly 12 years ago when she learned we had just moved to NC and I was so far away from family for the very first time. Her family(her husband and daughter-my bestie) then became family to us as well.

To be honest, I’m grieving and the idea of having merriment eludes me at times. I try to hide it, but I’m clinging to my faith- sometimes grasping at it so tightly, hands clenched, white knuckled in prayer (at least they would be if my hands were better). Yet, I also feel guilty because there are some wonderful possibilities opening up for me, so I should be rejoicing in that. But if I’m rejoicing, shouldn’t I be grieving? My emotions love to play this ping pong match with my heart. I have been trying to think about how my loved ones would have reacted to these future possibilities, and that makes me smile. I’m hopeful when I recognize the joy in these grace filled moments.

Although I may not have all the physical ornaments of my childhood, I do have memories of them boosted by some blurry pictures of the Christmas tree from my childhood. But, more importantly I have memories of my parent’s smiles when they opened that messily wrapped snowman package (those of you who know me well, know that my wrapping skills have not improved and I can’t even blame RSD for that). 🙂

Snowman circled in blue near teddy bear

I know that no matter what gift may be under the tree or hanging on it- like my precious quarter bin snowman ornament – a physical present can never replace a person’s presence. So, tomorrow I will delight in sharing my fond, loving memories of past Christmas celebrations with our loved ones. I hope I can be the peace that someone else may need with my presence as we grieve, reminisce, and smile together on Jesus’ birthday.

Wishing you & your loved ones a blessed, joyous holiday season, enjoying each other’s presence, along with a healthy, peace-filled New Year! I look forward to sharing my November experience at the United Nations and other exciting news in 2020! 

Waiting to be Found

Have you ever searched all over the house to look for a lost item, say, your checkbook? Worse yet you know you recently had it in your hand. Maybe, something caught your attention along the way and you placed it down. Perhaps it’s the moment you remembered that you needed the extra extension cord for the Christmas tree. Since you have forgotten to look for one the past week, you decide to search for it immediately.

Of course the place you could swear you saw it last year-nope, no longer there. As you ponder where it could be, you realize that the mailman will come soon and you need to get that paid bill into the mailbox. Now where did you set that checkbook?

Okay, I confess—that was me earlier this week.

My family is in the midst of celebrating Advent. Advent is known to be a season of waiting-waiting to celebrate the birth of our Lord and celebrate the joy in waiting for Him to return. Little children are waiting for Santa or waiting for the Elf to give his report from the shelf.

This past Thanksgiving, I found myself waiting and feeling extremely lost—no, not because my husband wouldn’t ask for directions to where we were having Thanksgiving dinner—not this year anyway.

My mother was very ill in the hospital and I have never felt so adrift with worry. Minutes seemed like hours wondering if her body could fight back or if I would lose her. Normally, I would research as much as I could to know what to expect, yet that day before Thanksgiving I found myself paralyzed with fear of the uncertainty of whether she would make it through. Only once I heard from the Specialist that the worst was over and she stabilized, I researched in earnest (you had to see that coming).

Adrenaline pushed me through that critical week and I would be there until the wee hours of the morning. Now for people who do not know me, I turn into a pumpkin after 9pm. So, I definitely knew another source of strength was at hand. I had some of my Tenn. family visiting and she stayed with me at the hospital. Not only was she a comfort to me, but my mother was comfortable with her there because she had known her for many years. She also is an early to bed kind of gal, but she stayed with me. She gently, but firmly pushed me to leave, so I would have strength to continue the next day.

I am very lucky that in addition to receiving the support and strength from her, my husband and daughter, I also have my NC family. My NC family took us in when we first moved here and we knew no one. I can’t imagine my life without them!

They all helped me, each in their own way; to find the where-with-all to push through the emotional pain so I could focus on the best way to help my mother. Eventually the physical pain caught up with me—RSD does not like stress and makes a point to really let you know. I lost some blog posts because I could barely move let alone write a coherent sentence that anyone would want to read.

The thing of it is I had to find the strength and recognize the help God gave to me when I was lost in the, as they say in the South, “hot mess” of it all.

Waiting goes hand in hand with writing. I wait for the right words to strike. Yet sometimes, I find I get too caught up in something sounding perfect as soon as my pen hits the paper (yes, I am old school). I have found that I just need to write what pops into my mind and eventually (sometimes days later), the polished words will come. After all, there is plenty of time for edits, edits, and more edits.

Once I finally completed my, I don’t know, say my 5th or 6th draft of THE LAST CHERRY BLOSSOM manuscript, the next step was to wait for a response from a query to an agent or editor. During that wait I had wondered, maybe I lost what inkling of writing talent I believed I once had, or worse, maybe I don’t have any at all? Yet the more I thought about it, I came to the conclusion that I am not happy unless I am creating something. I found that I needed to write. My body may have lost some of what it used to be capable of to RSD.  But, I found that my brain did not have to be lost along with it!

When I stopped searching for perfection and released some of my fear of making mistakes, I wrote at my best (for me anyway). When I found a Literary Agent, Anna Olswanger, who could see potential in my manuscript, it was an early Christmas gift last year!

My mom still has a long journey ahead with her health, but we are finding strength in our faith and one another.

Oh, and if you are wondering about that missing extension cord- I went out and bought a new one. Guess what I found in another box of Christmas decorations the very next day?

I would love to hear of your ‘waiting to be found’ situation.  Please tell me what happened for you?

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